My memories are lost. when I check the blog I wrote in Beijing airport terminal, everything is disappeared. I can't sleep now, I can't wait until all the things fade out. I have to, I force myself to, record things again and again when I feel insomnia and fragile.
To be honestly, I didn't have the strong deep feeling when I met you in the Cantonese restaurant. I listened to all your conversation with Meig, all about the career job. I can't figure out what to say with you until Meig leave. You invited me to go together to your room but I didn't expect so much. You know it was the first time we met each other. I was not a romantic man until what I found I miss you. We watch the movie called shallow, which I misunderstand it as sorrow. This word, yes, it may become the key word of this memory.
I felt uncomfortable about my stomach, we blamed to our sub-health situation. It was all fine! We went to a dinner and watch Baby Driver in cinema. I had a long time that watches movies along so that I even don't know how to express my feelings with you. You said you are tired, I agreed that accompanied with you before you went inside the building. The chances? I lost two.
The third day, it was supposed to the last day. And it was a happy beginning but with an uncomfortable end. We went to Teamlab exhibition in the noon time, had a goose lunch with delicious drink. Everything seems so good until the exhibition, I didn't shoot some beautiful pics as you wish that I can feel your mood is changed. After we went out, it seems Typhoon is approached. I invited you to go together to my place but you refuse, haha, I should expect it will happen due to my stupid decision making skill. We went back to your home and went to the supermarket together. My phone is broken in the meanwhile I lost all the contents. I began to self-accusation, and blame to other, which I can see you are not happy about it. We hugged each other, and I left to my place.
But this is not the end, the airplane was canceled due to the typhoon, I had no place to stay so I asked your help again. I didn't wait for your feedback then took a bus to your home. In the message, you said you were sleeping and feel uncomfortable with my actions. I knew! I understood! I was so self-fish and stupid! I am so regretted now but it is nothing to make up. You cooked the lunch for me and we watch movies together. It was so warm that stay with you than the first time. That was the first time I feel I was fall in love with you, and it is too late to say. I still remembered you say I can't make you happy, that was me, a people without emotions and courage. I want to change after I felt it was hard to say goodbye to you. But like the word Sorrow, I can't do anything under 15 hours time zone difference.
Life is a cycle, it reminds me those girls and relationships in my life, most of them were finished before it begins, likewise this time. I can't stop missing you in this jet lag night, I should responsible for all the mistakes I made, and be with you together. I was a coward, but I won't let it happened again, I will be stronger, and wish you can wait for me, too.